According to Greta (2009)

Genre(s): Drama / Romance
Anchor Bay || PG13 - 92 minutes - $26.97 || January 19, 2010
Reviewer: Tyler Thomas || Posted On: 2010-01-24


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.:: F I L M ::.
The Film

S P E C I A L
.: F E A T U R E S :.

Special Features

.:: V I D E O ::.
Video

.:: A U D I O ::.
Audio

.:: O V E R A L L ::.
Overall
.::MOVIE INFORMATION::.
Director: Nancy Bardawil
Writer(s): Michael Gilvary (written by)
Cast: Hilary Duff, Evan Ross, Ellen Burstyn, Michael Murphy


.::DVD INFORMATION::.
Supplemental Material:
  • Featurette
  • Deleted/Alternate Scenes
  • Alternate Ending


Technical Information:
  • Number of Discs: 1
  • Widescreen (1.85)
  • English (Dolby Digital 5.1)
  • Subtitles: English SDH, Spanish

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.::THE FILM::.

I like how the film started off with a song that states ďI wanna die... I wanna die.Ē In all honesty, thatís how I felt after having to watch this so-called ďfilm,Ē having wasted nearly two hours going through the movie and all of the crappy extras provided. I used to have your albums Hilary Duff, but now they are being thrown out. I just canít remember the good days like I used to since you started being in movies. Wait, I just admitted that I had your albums... uh oh. I think its best that I stop typing about my ďfriendĒ and just start bashing the film According to Greta.

Greta (Hilary Duff) is your typical emo teenager with tons of hate for the world and no one cares why. Sheís forced to move for the summer to her grandparentís house since her mother wouldnít put up with her crappy attitude and just plain sucky demeanor. Joseph (Michael Murphy) and Katherine (Ellen Burstyn) live in some terrible town where time has stopped and no one owns a car from any period later than the 1940s. They also donít have cable, probably only a few kilowatts of electricity, and nothing fun for young, rebellious teenagers like Greta to do. Did I mention that Greta is just an anagram for Great? How cool is that?

Oh, the town she moves to is called Oceanís Grove. But in Gretaís words, it should be called Oceanís... wait for it... Oceanís Grave! Ha get it? Anyways, Greta gets a local job as a waitress that she clearly doesnít like so that way she can get cable at the house and learn a few manners. Just kidding, she just wants the cable for the television to push her troubles aside. Greta has a few issues sheís been shielding from everyone; include one of her coworkers who gets a giant crush on her. Can Greta become Great again and hopefully learn a few things about her, or will she just be her old self and learn nothing from this phenomenal experience about life, love, and hardships without cable.

Thereís just not easy way of saying this: this was atrocious. I literally felt sick to my stomach after watching this wreck; the acting is so horrible that a talking dog would have been more entertaining to watch instead. In fact, that sounds like a cool idea for... never mind back to the review. Hilary Duff canít act to save her life, and whatís more astounding is that she helped produce the flick! Didnít anyone stop to say, ďHey this is an awful movie with such awful acting, letís put a talking dog in it?Ē

Speaking of the script, this movie has got to have some of the worst lines ever. I only quoted a few of them above in the review of the film, but there are nearly two-dozen or more lines that just had me wanting to shut the film off due to bad writing. The fact that this film somehow made it to the shelves of your local DVD store or rental place makes me wonder who in the world financed this one. The acting is terrible, the script atrocious, and the plot of the movie made me wonder what the point of this flick was. The plot by the way has been done in so many movies thereís just no real reason to keep churning out films the same way over and over again.

Sorry Duff, but you may want to go back to your music career. If you still have one after this, that is.



.::SPECIAL FEATURES::.

Behind the Scenes (19 minutes): All of the extras on the DVD are about as painful to watch as the film itself, so it should come as no surprise that all of them were struggling for me to go through. This one shows how some of the scenes were shot and also some interviews with cast and crew about the movie. I nearly passed out during the viewing of this one, so Iíd recommend skipping.

Deleted and Alternate Scenes (8 minutes): As per the norm of most deleted and/or alternate scenes, thereís little to no value here. I didnít understand what the heck was going on some of the time, and the audio for some reason cut in and out for me on the DVD. It was quite annoying to say the least, although not hearing the film may have been better.

Alternate Ending (2 minutes): Titled ďAlt Ending,Ē apparently to save money from not putting in the extra few letters, this could best be described as a way to end a film in a worse fashion.



.::AUDIO & VIDEO::.

Attention to detail for most straight-to-DVD releases is normally quite vague, and this one isnít any different. Colors are bland and not that vivid even though the film is set near a beach and outside almost the entire duration of the movie which begs the question of why this is an outdoors type of movie at all. Whatís the point of setting a movie in a beautiful location if a viewer canít tell? Flesh tones were also bland in comparison to one another, and inside shots were full of grain and noise in almost every scene. When the background looks like itís moving, then thatís a problem.

The Dolby Surround 5.1 track that comes with the movie isnít any better; in fact itís quite worse. I had issues hearing the dialogue and also on the clarity side as well, although in all honesty thatís not much of a problem since the movie was terrible. There were also major issues with the surround part of the movie: there wasnít any. I never once heard any surround sound the entire movie and barely remember if my sub turned on more than twice the entire flick as well. Whatís the point of a 5.1 track when this is clearly no more than a 1.0?



.::OVERALL::.

I would have rather gone to the dentist and had a root canal done than watch this movie again. Duff canít act, the rest of the cast is boring, and the special features are awful. The technical package is also below-average, so unless you have some reason to hurt someone you love, skip this. According to Tyler, this one you can pass on.