The Cell 2 (2009)

Genre(s): Horror / Thriller
New Line || R - 94 minutes - $27.99 || June 16, 2009
Reviewer: Tyler Thomas || Posted On: 2009-06-25


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.:: F I L M ::.
The Film

S P E C I A L
.: F E A T U R E S :.

Special Features

.:: V I D E O ::.
Video

.:: A U D I O ::.
Audio

.:: O V E R A L L ::.
Overall
.::MOVIE INFORMATION::.
Director: Tim Lacofano
Writer(s): Alex Barder & Rob Rinow & Lawrence Silverstein (written by)
Cast: Tessie Santiago, Chris Bruno, Frank Whaley


.::DVD INFORMATION::.
Supplemental Material:
  • Featurette
  • Digital Copy


Technical Information:
  • Number of Discs: 1
  • Widescreen (1.78)
  • English (Dolby Digital 5.1), French (Dolby Digital 5.1)
  • Subtitles: English SDH, Spanish, French

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.::THE FILM::.

Iíve had a pretty crappy few days, to say the least. I was hoping that The Cell 2 would brighten my day, as I had really liked the first one many years ago. Sadly, what I got was one of the worst sequels ever made, with fairly low-key violence and a crappy cast. This is nothing like the first one, so anyone hoping to read about how much itís similar to the great flick itís supposed to be base on is solely mistaken and Iíve let you down. Sorry, I seem to be doing that a lot these days.

So like some psycho-killer is going around trapping girls by putting a giant box on their head and killing them over and over again until they scream that they want to die. Yeah, a real psycho weíve got on our hands for this film. Maya (Tessie Santiago) is a psychic who can get into the head of the killer but canít see who he or she is, but has tracked him down to a local factory. The police accompany her, but they are too late and the girl is dead and the killer manages to escape. Itís almost like the killer is part of the police force and knew they were coming, now that would be a great twist now wouldnít it?

Cut to several years later, the killer strikes again by kidnapping Penelope (Amee Walden) who ends up being police officer Harrisís (Chris Bruno) sister. Harris and the other officers enlist the aid of Maya to help track down the psycho yet again, even though she failed the first time. But things arenít all happy in the world of cops, as Harris gets framed for the psychoís crimes. They find evidence in his locker that heís the killer all along, but that couldnít have been planted by anyone at the force, maybe Duncan (Frank Whaley) or anyone like that now could it? Penelope is being tortured the entire time this happening, as the killer kills her then revives her until she cries uncle. Yeah, itís an incredibly stupid premise. Itís up to Maya and Harris, who are now on the run from the cops (even though for some reason itís like two and not the entire force) to find Penelope and find out just who the killer (Duncan) is.

Yeah sorry, I spoiled who the killer was. Itís not like it matters, you find out like twenty minutes into the film exactly who it is. I was expecting a ton from this flick as though I was a big fan of the first one. But this one is nothing like it, as the characters are so stupid itís unbelievable. Harris manages to break out of the copís headquarters even after heís branded a serial killer and runs from them for days. How is that even remotely believable? Also the big secret, yeah Iím going not going to spoil it even though I should, is so stupid that I laughed. Maya is completely useless for the entire movie, and just surprises me that she was cast in the role. She is like a stick figure with her emotions and actions, as are the rest of the cast.

By the way, did anyone notice how pale the cast is except Maya? She looks like she slept in a cell that had a tanning bed in it for a year. Great casting there. This movie is dreadful; Iím not even sure why I gave it a star to be honest. I guess Iím feeling generous today.



.::SPECIAL FEATURES::.

Behind the Scenes (30 minutes): This has got to be one of the worst Behind the Scenes features Iíve ever had the displeasure of watching. The cast is incredibly boring, and the stuff that they point out is so ridiculously stupid that I nearly passed out while watching it. Iíd heavily recommend skipping this long and trivial extra feature, as though you get to hear great commentary as to ďhow hard it was to shoot on a low budget movie.Ē

The other special feature available is a Digital Copy, which similar to other recent releases from WB, is not compatible with IPods or ITunes. Hip Hip no Hooray...



.::AUDIO & VIDEO::.

This is a horrible transfer. Colors are incredibly outdated and are dreary to say the least. Itís supposed to be a dark and dreadful film (which it is, and not in a good way) but the color palette is completely out of whack. The flesh tones are pale in some scenes then overblown in the next. There are also huge issues coming from the fact that the film suffers from abnormal amounts of grain and contrast problems the entire duration. At times I struggled to even view the picture, not just for its crappy story, but for the simple fact that the quality of this transfer is horrible.

On the audio scale, things arenít too much better. The surround use for the Dolby Digital 5.1 track is low and sounds more like a 2.0 track. I rarely heard any loud noise throughout the runtime, and I donít think my subwoofer was on more than a handful of times at best. The characters spoke with little ďoomphĒ in their voices and at times I struggled to hear the dialogue although thatís not a bad thing. There is little in this track to speak positive of, and since I canít find any, Iíll end this segment here.



.::OVERALL::.

The reason why almost all direct-to-DVD sequels suck? The million dollar question is... because they shouldnít have been made in the first place. The Cell 2 is a prime example of a way to try and make a quick buck off of the first film from many years ago, but time has passed and I heavily doubt anyone will care. This sports a horrible transfer, a crappy special features package, and it doesnít have a digital copy compatible with ITunes. For one time, Iím not going to complain about that. This is one film that doesnít belong on an IPod, a Zune, or anything else. Stay far away.