Labor Pains (2009)

Genre(s): Comedy
First Look Studios || PG13 - 89 minutes - $28.98 || August 4, 2009
Reviewer: Tyler Thomas || Posted On: 2009-08-06


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.:: F I L M ::.
The Film

S P E C I A L
.: F E A T U R E S :.

Special Features

.:: V I D E O ::.
Video

.:: A U D I O ::.
Audio

.:: O V E R A L L ::.
Overall
.::MOVIE INFORMATION::.
Director: Lara Shapiro
Writer(s): Stacey Kramer & Lara Shapiro (written by)
Cast: Lindsay Lohan, Luke Kirby, Chris Parnell, Aaron Yoo


.::DVD INFORMATION::.
Supplemental Material:
  • Featurette


Technical Information:
  • Number of Discs: 1
  • Widescreen (1.85)
  • English (Dolby Digital 5.1), English (Stereo 2.0)
  • Subtitles: English SDH, Spanish

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.::THE FILM::.

Have you ever seen a movie that makes you think ďWow, what is going on here? This person used to be famous, why are they starring in direct-to-DVD flicks?Ē Well, I have, almost every day. If you havenít, well then, get ready to. Labor Pains stars a bunch of actors and actresses that made me go ďwhat is going on here??Ē Oh, yeah, thereís also a plot and everything else, but itís way more fun to talk about the cast. But since I have to or else Brian would yell at me again, I guess Iíll get started.

Thea (Lindsay Lohan) works at some book publisher for her boss Jerry (Chris Parnell) and is about to get fired one day for being late constantly. To get out of being fired, she says sheís pregnant. Sheís not, hence the whole big joke and ironically it turns out that being pregnant is a great idea for a book, so Thea keeps her job and everything is A-ok in her world and her job. Nope, wrong again. It turns out that if you fake being pregnant then you have no choice but to gain a bunch of weight, get pregnant for real, or get a fat suit that makes you look pregnant and modify it each month to fool everyone. Guess which she chooses?

She decides to go to her boyfriend Miles (Aaron Yoo) and tell him the great news, but he well says some stuff, then other stuff happens, and for some reason Lisa (Cheryl Hines) gets involved, and then Theaís roommate talks about things but she hates Thea and vice versa. The whole movie takes a huge ďI stopped caringĒ turn a few minutes into the flick, and then never really came back. Thea falls in love for a guy, someone falls for her, then everyone finds out sheís not pregnant but the book still gets made. Then more boring stuff happens, end of flick, credits roll, Tyler happy.

In case you havenít noticed by now, this is a terrible film. First off, the acting is so overdone that it border lined on kindergarten acting. Iíve honestly seen five-year-olds who can act better than anyone in the cast, hands down. The lines are just so over-the-top that I couldnít believe what I was hearing. Thereís literally no thought, emphasis, or emotion put into any line thatís in the script, and even well-known actresses like Hines (who?) and Garofalo (who?) canít save this from being a downer of a film.

That being said, letís analyze a smidge of the cast involved with this A-list movie. Lindsay Lohan hasnít had a hit in nearly five years, Hines Iíve never even heard of, Garofalo is in like one television show, Yoo was in that remake of the horror film that was actually good, Parnell in on Saturday Night Live which hasnít been funny in years, and everyone else in the film is just as great. I guess if you want a great film, keep putting in people that arenít funny, an awful script, and blend for 90 minutes and get you pains alright, major labor ones.

Iíll admit though, I did chuckle a few times here and there, but I think it was those awkward laughs that happen because you are so bored that air escapes through your nose. For a comedy thereís just not any real laughs to be found, although laughing at everyoneís career taking a nose-dive for being in this film does sort of bring me to a smile.



.::SPECIAL FEATURES::.

Making of Labor Pains (13 minutes): Your standard making of feature that deals with the, well, um, making of for the flick. Since I loathed the movie, I of course loathed this as well. Itís not too exciting and the castís lines seem so unbelievable that I found myself hitting mute for the duration of this.



.::AUDIO & VIDEO::.

This isnít a terrible-looking flick, but itís definitely not something thatís worth talking about in-depth in terms of great video quality. Colors are slightly washed out, and there is some grain in a few of the scenes which make this an off-kilter transfer. The colors are a bit washed and the grain becomes a problem in multiple scenes and also distracting. Black levels though appeared to be decent, but not to the part of where I could write good things about them. Thereís a lot wrong, but once again unless youíre nitpicking like I am odds are youíll find this transfer satisfactory.

The audio on the other hand doesnít fare as well. The Dolby Digital 5.1 track accompanying the film doesnít add much to the dialogue-driven film, as though thereís little if any action in it to test out the surround. This is in all honesty a 1.0 track, as almost 99.99 percent of the audio came out my center channel, and I donít even remember my sub turning on the entire flick. All in all though, itís like the video and passable, but not at a level Iíd prefer for a DVD release.



.::OVERALL::.

I know itís tough for Lohan right now, but get a new agent and stop being in crappy movies. Less than ten years ago you had a huge career, hit movies, and a great life. Now you have had multiple bombs in the movie world, a dead music endeavor, and well you still have a great life. But get back to the Lohan that people wanted; whatever that was. The supporting cast for this flick only hurts the movie, as itís only slightly entertaining in the way that ďthis is so sad that this is what most of their careers have come toĒ for starring in this one. This is a rental at best, as though the pain may be too much to stand, even if youíre in labor or not.