Paper Heart (2009) [Blu-ray]

Genre(s): Comedy / Drama
Anchor Bay || PG13 - 88 minutes - $39.98 || December 1, 2009
Reviewer: Tyler Thomas || Posted On: 2009-12-31


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.:: F I L M ::.
The Film

S P E C I A L
.: F E A T U R E S :.

Special Features

.:: V I D E O ::.
Video

.:: A U D I O ::.
Audio

B L U - R A Y
.:: EXCLUSIVES ::.

Blu-ray Exclusives

.:: O V E R A L L ::.
Overall
.::MOVIE INFORMATION::.
Director: Nicholas Jasenovec
Writer(s): Nicholas Jasenovec & Charlyne Yi (written by)
Cast: Charlyne Yi, Michael Cera


Theatrical Release Date: August 7, 2009


.::DVD INFORMATION::.
Supplemental Material:
  • 2 Featurettes
  • Musical Performances
  • Music Video
  • Interviews
  • Deleted Scenes


Technical Information:
  • Number of Discs: 2
  • Widescreen (1.78)
  • English (Dolby TrueHD 5.1)
  • Subtitles: English SDH, Spanish

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.::THE FILM::.

Michael Cera is slowly becoming a one-hit wonder with Superbad. His past few films have tanked at the box-office, including this one aptly named Paper Heart. The film stars him as a whiny emo teen (go figure) that falls in love with another whiny emo teen. Who the heck makes up these scripts? I could come up with better ideas and I can barely type five words a minute. Start paying me millions, please.

Charlyne Yi stars as herself in this dim film about her trying to find love. She interviews multiple people, including celebrities such as... Seth Rogen, Paul Rust, Demetri Martin... and other great funny people. The problem is that the aforementioned people all stink during this dreary picture. The lines are obviously scripted and the actors literally act (go figure) like they are being read straight from the script while the filming is going on. The film tries to be a documentary about why love isnít real, or that love doesnít exist, something I swear to do with love not being real, and Charlyne is about to prove something about the topic.

She meets Michael Cera (playing himself) one night at a college party and the two hook up, and by hook up I mean they sit around, watch television and eat pizza late at night. Man, Yi just sounds like a party animal. Yi visits some sort of psychic who clearly should be listened to, and the psychic tells her that Cera is bad for her or something along those lines and she steers clear away from him. Can Yi learn the true meaning of love, or will blah blah blah insert something here that sounds good so I can trash the movie.

Look, the first rule of documentary films (I learned this in a film class last semester, thanks Ashton) is to make films that donít suck. Wait, that wasnít the rule, it was something about donít let the audience break the fourth wall or yeah, that thing, and this film clearly does it multiple times. Yi continually talks to the camera and the audience, and even looks at the dang thing during the interviews she conducts that arenít even funny. Whatís the point of putting big name celebrities (although Rogen could be argued) if they have zero entertaining lives or just no real purpose of being there? The progress she makes is chronicled so poorly that it made it seem like the script was written right before they started shooting this mess.

What I donít get is what the point of the whole flick was? I grudgingly set aside some free time to watch this, and in return, all I received was a poor film about a girl who canít find love or doesnít believe in it, then does, then doesnít because someone told her to be scared of it, and then believes in it at the end. What the heck is the point? Thereís zero in terms of plot lines here, the actors are dreadful, and the cameos are just thrown in for horrible measure.

Cera, youíre slowly becoming on my ďdo not bother seeing at the box-office list.Ē Actually, there isnít a list yet, but because of this flick there may be one coming soon to a desktop near you.



.::SPECIAL FEATURES::.

Paper Heart Uncut (7 minutes): This is basically Yi just screwing up her scripted lines throughout, so itís pretty much a blooper real. It wasnít funny in the movie, and itís still not funny here.

Making of Paper Heart (11 minutes): The idea and concept of the movie is explained by Yi, but since I hated the movie this just wasnít worth paying attention to or retaining any information from it after the runtime was over.

Musical Performances by Charlyne Yi (6 minutes): Just like it sounds, as Yi performs ďlive.Ē Thereís nothing really monumentally entertaining here, so unless you want to see her attempt to sing Iíd recommend passing.

Music Video by Charlyne Yi and Michael Cera (2 minutes): When did Cera get the idea he could sing? You do one song from a film and suddenly youíre a musician? Quit while you and Yi are far behind, trust me.

Interviews with Comedians (26 minutes): There are a bunch of interviews here to be had, including one with the hilarious Demetri Martin that is worth watching. The rest though arenít that entertaining, as though the interviews seem too staged to be funny or have some value to audiences.

Deleted Scenes (31 minutes): There are a ton of interviews that didnít make the cutting room floor and there are great reasons why: they just arenít entertaining nor do they fit into the movie. The interviews are incredibly lackluster and probably wonít appeal to even fans of the flick, so these are some scenes better off left to your imagination to wonder about.

The only **BLU-RAY EXLUSIVE** here is a Digital Copy that does (yippy) work with iTunes.



.::AUDIO & VIDEO::.

This is pretty much a straight-to-DVD/BD flick, and it sure shows with this mediocre transfer that accompanies the movie. Colors appear slightly awash, but that is probably due to the fact the film is shot from a handheld camera most of the time. They just donít look appropriately compared to other Blu-Rays Iíve seen of the similar nature, so some points were deducted because of that. I also noticed massive amounts of grain and noise plaguing the flick, so once again some points off for that. Thereís not a whole lot of good I can say about the transfer here, so that will end this segment.

The Dolby TrueHD 5.1 track doesnít fare much better, as in my opinion the upgraded high-def audio does nothing to help out this meek score. The track is incredibly light on the surround sound usage, so theater enthusiasts wonít be getting much help from that department. In fact, I rarely heard my surround speakers go off if at all, and when I did, the balance was slightly off. Dialogue was decent but since this was a high-def track I expected more from it and instead this was just a low-key track with not a lot if any ďoomphĒ to it in the end.



.::OVERALL::.

This is the second film that Iíve seen recently starring Michael Cera that has me thinking he was merely a one-trick pony. He plays the same whiny, annoying, crappy character in every film and Charlyne Yiís performance doesnít help much on her end. The film is truly a dud, and with below-average quality in terms of the Blu-ray technical package, not even a decent amount of special features can save this one. Paper Heart should be torn up and forgotten about, so just click back on your internet browser right now and forget about it.