Reborn (2009)

Genre(s): Horror
Lions Gate || R - 88 minutes - $26.98 || November 24, 2009
Reviewer: Tyler Thomas || Posted On: 2009-11-24


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.:: F I L M ::.
The Film

S P E C I A L
.: F E A T U R E S :.

Special Features

.:: V I D E O ::.
Video

.:: A U D I O ::.
Audio

.:: O V E R A L L ::.
Overall
.::MOVIE INFORMATION::.
Director: Craig McMahon
Writer(s): Craig McMahon (written by)
Cast: Kathleen Benner, Jimmy Flowers, David C. Hayes, Davina Joy


.::DVD INFORMATION::.
Supplemental Material:
  • Featurette


Technical Information:
  • Number of Discs: 1
  • Widescreen (1.78)
  • English (Dolby Digital 5.1)
  • Subtitles: English, Spanish

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.::THE FILM::.

I don’t say this very often, but there comes a time when a movie shouldn’t show so much nudity. Reborn, in fact, is one of those films. It takes “torture porn” films to a new level, and that level is called terrible. The movie has so much violence, nudity, and just plain stupidity that even I couldn't find this a smidge noticeable (that says a lot). If I could, I would have much rather watched a G-rated version where this wasn’t so much female nudity in it.

By the way, since the movie page is incomplete and I was too lazy to look at the credits after watching this abysmal flick, I’m just going to name the characters whatever I want.

Non-important female, whose name shall be Female, and male lead for the first part of the film, Male, just got hitched and decided to sell their home to buy a junkyard. Female is mad about this, but Male doesn’t care as who cares what their significant other thinks about buying a supposed junkyard that is haunted and a bunch of people died on. Oops, that information doesn’t come until later from a retail broker, whose name is Retail, tells them about it all too late. It turns out that the junkyard they live on is haunted and a mass murderer lives there with a bunch of cameras that no one seems to notice or the electric bill somehow never gets turned off. That mass murderer’s name is Murderer, for those keeping track.

Female gets kidnapped like twenty minutes into the film by Murderer, and then their junkyard gets invaded by some random thieves. The thieves, whose names are Thieves, decide to shoot Male in the fact point-blank range with a shotgun. Male survives, but must somehow rebuild himself into a machine to be…Reborn. Male is now a robot-like creature with a glowing light similar to that of those fish with a glowing light, whatever they’re called. Anyways, Murderer tells Male that he must kill anyone who steps onto his property or else he’ll kill Female. Male is now forced to kill an architect and other various people who step onto the property for unknown reasons as to why the Murderer wants this to happen. Blah blah blah, more killings, useless nudity, and a plot that isn’t told ever is all you will find here.

Yeah, this movie sucked. I rarely say that, but I think a four-year-old could come up with better material than what went down here. There’s absolutely no back story given as to why in the heck Murderer goes around forcing people to rebuild themselves into machines and then kill everyone who steps onto the property. Violence in this movie is completely over-the-top, as is the nudity from Female. I seriously couldn’t find any decent reason as to why there was so much nudity in this movie; even for a torture film it was too dang much.

All you get here is a film that isn’t a film at all, but more of a torture porn flick with no plot, character development, or anything remotely interesting.



.::SPECIAL FEATURES::.

Behind-the-Scenes (15 minutes): There’s a handful of interviews with the cast and crew about the movie, but since I hated the film so much I barely see this being interesting to anyone.

There’s also a Trailer Gallery for those interested.



.::AUDIO & VIDEO::.

Ugh, I don’t even know where to start with this transfer. There are many issues with noise and grain that plague the entire film that caused the video to be so distracting I couldn’t concentrate on how crappy the movie was. Colors are also glaringly off, as the blues are dominant in nearly every scene and are completely overblown to the point of where even the whites looked off-color. Contrast, as you can obviously infer, looked just awful as well. There’s nothing at all good about this track, so if you’re looking for something positive about the movie you need to look elsewhere.

The Dolby Digital 5.1 track fares just the same, as it sports low audio and rare surround sound usage. There wasn’t much going on in terms of balanced levels, as the film was all over the place between action sequences and dull gunshots. There were also numerous issues with the sound being so low that I couldn’t hear the dialogue or make out what was being said, which is a double-edged sword on a film this terrible. The surround sound, of what little there was, sounded just crappy. I rarely heard any “oomph” in the gunshots, the action sequences, or any combination or non-combination of the two afore mentioned statements. It takes a lot of effort to make an audio track this terrible, so kudos on that one.



.::OVERALL::.

Every single time I type out a phrase similar to “this is the running candidate for worst movie of 2009” a new front-runner approaches the ballot. Reborn has got to be one of the biggest rip-offs to date, and if you even look at the cover and think about purchasing/renting this one you need to go home and break your DVD player promptly.