Screamers: The Hunting (2009)

Genre(s): Horror / Science Fiction / Thriller
Sony || R - 95 minutes - $24.96 || February 17, 2009
Reviewer: Tyler Thomas || Posted On: 2009-02-10


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.:: F I L M ::.
The Film

S P E C I A L
.: F E A T U R E S :.

Special Features

.:: V I D E O ::.
Video

.:: A U D I O ::.
Audio

.:: O V E R A L L ::.
Overall
.::MOVIE INFORMATION::.
Director: Sheldon Wilson
Writer(s): Philip K. Dick (original story), Tom Berry and Miguel Tejada-Flores (story), Miguel Tejada-Flores (screenplay)
Cast:


.::DVD INFORMATION::.
Supplemental Material:
  • Screamers: The Hunting Behind the Scenes


Technical Information:
  • Number of Discs: 1
  • Widescreen (1.78)
  • English (Dolby Digital 5.1), Spanish (Dolby Digital 5.1), Portuguese (Dolby Digital 5.1), Thai (Dolby Digital 5.1)
  • Subtitles: English, Spanish, Portuguese, Chinese, Korean, Thai

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.::THE FILM::.

So back when I was dating this one girl, for the sake of not trying to sound like I date a lot, I will just say sheís number 56. So 56 and I would always watch the kind of films that didnít last long in theaters or went straight to DVD, Iím not sure why, she was pretty boring but I normally like the lame horror films that are so clichť that they redefine what the word means. In case youíre unaware of what that means go look it up in a dictionary, I review movies. Speaking of lame horror movies, Screamers: The Hunting is just that, and a whole lot else.

Alright, so normally I would start here by talking about the cast, the script, something to do with the movie pretty much. Yeah, instead, Iíd like to do something a lot more entertaining. Iím going to give you a play-by-play of what this movie is about.

Narrator: Hi, Iím going to give you an introduction to this movie. On some random planet, some scientists made robots to help people. Instead they turned into killing machines that killed anyone not wearing some ridiculous tag that looks like a backstage pass to a concert. Now the planet is deserted.

Marine 1: Hi, Iím one of the marines in this troop that will probably die within the first ten minutes of landing on the planet. Iím in charge of this squad, but my team canít shoot a rock in front of them with these assault rifles that look like they were bought from the dollar store. Iím now going to tell my squad about this mission.

So troop, weíre going to go to a supposedly deserted planet where some sort of robot killed everyone on the planet but now for some reason years later there are distress signals coming from it. Rather than play it safe, Iím going to only take a small group to the planet and get out. Oh, and I forgot to mention we have seven days or else some giant magnetic storm will kill us. Sounds fun? Letís go.

Marine 2: Sure, I wonít die as well since I make stupid decisions like stand around and gawk at random desert objects.

Pilot: I definitely wonít be the first to die since I get to stay on the aircraft but Iím horrible with a gun and in case any of the robots that look like scorpions somehow manage to kill me then the whole crew is screwed. That would make for a great twist if I died and the robots which were supposed to be dormant came alive and destroyed the ship right?

Marine 3: Hi, Iím the marine that tries to revive the robots and causes my crew to be in trouble but Iíll deny it although anyone whoís seen a horror movie will know I die at some point and itís a horrible and violent death.

Marine 4: Hi, Iím the female marine. I flirt for some reason with random people, and like Marine 3, I will also die at some point in the film.

Marine 5: Hello, Iím the other female marine who for some reason was made the main character of this film even though Iím the weakest one of the group. I canít shoot a gun, and Iím too trusting in other people.

Marine 6: Greetings, Iím Marine 6. After our crew landed on the planet that we thought was deserted and the robots awoke, we found out that robots were merely scorpions with rocks that look ridiculous but yet kill everyone.

Deserter from old colony: Hi, Iím a deserter that tried to kill this squad of marines but yet try to befriend them and help them out. Their ship was destroyed since they left a dumb pilot by himself, and Iíll bring them to my village that is just a group of four people underground led by a guy who doesnít sleep. Robots also donít sleep, and the machines can somehow transform and adapt themselves into human, but I never think twice about anything logical like that.

Deserter from old colony 2: Hi, Iím the leader of this colony and I never sleep and make that abundantly clear throughout the film. I will lead them to random suicide missions to find fuel for their plane that the scorpion robots destroyed although I donít know that and have no reason to help humans out.

Thatís basically the story in a nutshell. If for some reason that sounded the least bit exciting, you need to stop watching movies. This flick fits into EVERY POSSIBLE CLICH… ever imagined in horror films. I was literally able to pick which crew member was going to die first, and actually guessed the exact order it happened. Kudos to me!



.::SPECIAL FEATURES::.

Screams: The Hunting Behind the Scenes feature (24 minutes): A rather lengthy feature that deals with interviews from the cast and crew about the film. I didnít find it interesting though, since I loathed the movie, but if you enjoyed it then check it out. All others, just pop the disc back out.



.::AUDIO & VIDEO::.

Even though some of the film looks tacky as can be, the same canít be said for the picture quality. The backgrounds are loud and vibrant, while the colors are near-perfect for the most part. There are a few issues with flesh tones being a little bit too bright, and some of the film appears washed out (when they first arrive on the planet is one example) compared to the rest. Itís actually a great transfer, despite the few minor things that plague it for part of it.

The audio side is also a little above average, as the Dolby Digital 5.1 track provides dialogue and action, but it suffers from being too low at times and too high at other instances. Dialogue is rather crisp and clear, but it suffers from inaccurate levels for some of the movie. There were also issues with not being able to hear certain characters speak, and the action scenes didnít have enough ďoomphĒ to classify this as a great track.



.::OVERALL::.

Even though Iím a huge fan of the whole ďso terrible that theyíre entertainingĒ genre, this is just one film that I couldnít find enjoying, at all. The acting is beyond awful and the movie is as predictable as possible. Iíd rather drive to Mars than watch this again. Take heed, watching this will make you scream.