Shattered Lives (2009)
|Lions Gate || R - 85 minutes - $26.98 || December 22, 2009|
|Reviewer: Tyler Thomas || Posted On: 2009-12-31|
Writer(s): Carl Lindbergh (written by)
Cast: Lindsay Leino, Skyler Caleb
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The fact that money was spent on this film to put it on DVD just shows how smart some companies are when they spend their bucks. Shattered Lives has taken the trophy for the worst movie of 2009, and what a year this has been. This is downright, and I mean it when I say it, THE WORST MOVIE OF THE YEAR. Fans of midgets dressed up like clowns, a stupid storyline, and the clowns who dance will enjoy the heck out of this movie. All others don’t bother reading this review and move along, right now. Sorry, but I can’t give you any compensation if you choose to read more into this disaster of a movie.
When the tagline for your film is “Playtime is about to turn deadly,” you just know the movie is going to blow. Deep down, I truly did start off with an open film. That is, until I watched about five minutes of this dreadful filth. There is some sort of story going on here that deals with a psycho kid who sees midgets dressed as clowns that dance and threaten to kill her, but it’s not that interesting. I never thought in my reviewing career that I’d type out a sentence that had “dancing midgets dressed as clowns” and “not interesting” in the same sentence, but there you go.
There’s some little girl who sees these monsters, who threaten to kill her if she’s bad (she suffers from dementia, not that anyone cares or notices in her family). The little girl kills her mother since she’s cheating on her husband by stabbing her repeatedly with a knife she steals one night from the kitchen. The girl is clearly disturbed, yet the surviving father does nothing about it. She gets picked on later in life (during a lame-arse transition) and then kills the people who are making fun of her. Yeah, that’s the whole movie in one lame paragraph.
The acting is awful, the script terrible, and the ending is so stupid — the ending is the beginning, go figure — that I had it figured out before the film started: it sucked.
There are no special features. Thank you No One Cares production for your valiant effort with these great extras for fans everywhere.
.::AUDIO & VIDEO::.
I’m being gracious by giving this dribble half-a-star, in all honesty. The film has a complete lack of color in every scene, as white/gray colors take precedence over every other color. It literally seems like the person who was in charge of the transfer let a monkey do it, although a monkey could have done a better job. There is a huge amount of grain in nearly every scene also, which doesn’t help either. Ugh, transfers like this make me hate this job.
The audio isn’t much better, despite the fact it’s touted as a “special feature” on the back of the DVD case. The Dolby Digital 5.1 track is absolutely horrible in every regard. Dialogue is light and plain awful; I not only struggled to hear what the cast said, but also what was being said. The audio also dropped in and out several times, almost as if my receiver was shutting down to avoid any more pain it was already being inflicted.
That’s right, Shattered Lives is the worst film of 2009. Good job No One Cares production, you sure earned it.