Silent Venom (2009)

Genre(s): Horror / Thriller
Fox || NR - 86 minutes - $22.98 || June 2, 2009
Reviewer: Tyler Thomas || Posted On: 2009-06-04


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.:: F I L M ::.
The Film

S P E C I A L
.: F E A T U R E S :.

Special Features

.:: V I D E O ::.
Video

.:: A U D I O ::.
Audio

.:: O V E R A L L ::.
Overall
.::MOVIE INFORMATION::.
Director: Fred Olen Ray
Writer(s): Mark Sanderson (written by)
Cast: Luke Perry, Krista Allen, Tom Berenger


.::DVD INFORMATION::.
Supplemental Material:
    None


Technical Information:
  • Number of Discs: 1
  • Widescreen (1.78)
  • English (Dolby Digital 5.1)
  • Subtitles: English, French, Spanish

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.::THE FILM::.

This is one of the worst movies Iíve ever seen. Honestly, even talking about this movie makes me think I lost brain cells from watching this. Silent Venom has got to be below bottom of the barrel for direct-to-video films. Thatís right, itís not bottom of the barrel but well under that. Itís like the barrel had a hole underneath it, and the water leaked out of it into the ground. Way below the ground, about two hundred feet down, is where this movie belongs. Out of reach of anyone being allowed to view, see, or even mutter its name.

So some stupid scientists, one of them being Andrea Swanson (Krista Allen), have decided to breed some sort of giant snake that eats and kills people. Oh, and its venom is heavily toxic and can kill you with minutes. They didnít capture the momma snake during their trials and wonder where itís at but they call for an evacuation immediately as two of the trainers die right at the start. So the government that sent them there sends a plane to get them out.

No, sorry, they send a giant helicopter to get them out. Nope, wrong again, they send a submarine helmed by Commander James OíNeill (Luke Perry) to get them out of harmís way. Yes, for some reason that Iím sure was explained in the story but I stopped caring after the first two minutes as to why a submarine is sent and not a helicopter. Itís about downhill from there after the first two minutes, but for the sake of this being my job Iíll go on further although you should already know whatís going to happen. The scientists are told by the government to smuggle a few snakes on board, but hide it from the crew on the ship.

So jeez I wonder whatís going to happen. Somehow the big momma snake follows the other snakes in the water towards the submarine, and some dumb crew member opens one of the smuggled snake cages and lets out like twenty snakes on board that kill people. Another sixty minutes goes by, people die, no one really cares or notices until about fifty minutes in, and rather than have everyone in one secure room they choose to split up and let the snakes pick them off. If that sounds the slightest bit stupid to you, it did to me the entire movie, so donít worry itís normal to think that.

This is such a contrived, awful, stupid, horrible, and stupid movie (sorry, I canít find my thesaurus) that makes me question why do they bother anymore with movies like this. The plot is ridiculous, the snakes look as fake as possible, and the fact that a big huge snake can swim in the water without getting detected by sonar is a joke. Oh, and the fact that the crew acts as irrationally as possible, such as trying to shoot snakes while on submarine in tight spaces. Yes, because apparently itís okay to shoot guns on a submarine in closed areas where the bullet couldnít possibly ricochet and kill you for shooting it. I was honestly hoping that this movie would have ended sooner the entire time, I dreaded being able to watch this through the entire running time. I think a part of me died on the inside.

The fact that Krista Allen, who is gorgeous, is starring in something like this makes me wonder who in the world her agent is. She deserves way better than this convoluted mess, so I hope the paycheck was good for both her and the agent. On a positive note, sheís starring in the new Final Destination flick later this year, so at least she has somewhere to go after this. Oh, and Luke Perry from that one kids show from long ago that I never watched is also in this movie attempting to act. Just let it go man, just let it go.



.::SPECIAL FEATURES::.

There are no special features available. Thankfully.



.::AUDIO & VIDEO::.

Due to this being a watermarked copy, I canít accurately rate the video. When a non-watermarked copy comes in I will update the score accordingly.

The Dolby Surround 5.1 track is awful. Horror films should use surrounds constantly with music or scary effects, but this one accomplishes neither. Even the supposed jump moments sound lame and dull, which was really disappointing. Dialogue levels were also low and inconsistent as the film progressed, although as Iíve said in the past that it may not be such a bad thing not being able to hear some of the cheesy lines that are spoken. Bottom line this is a below average track.



.::OVERALL::.

How are movies like this funded? What happened here? Who thinks of these stupid ideas? Not even the Sci-Fi channel could show this movie, as itís not even up to their standards. Donít bother.