Teeth (2007)

Genre(s): Horror
Dimension Extreme || R - 88 minutes - $24.95 || May 6, 2008
Reviewer: Brad Lowenberg || Posted On: 2008-05-04


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.:: F I L M ::.
The Film

S P E C I A L
.: F E A T U R E S :.

Special Features

.:: V I D E O ::.
Video

.:: A U D I O ::.
Audio

.:: O V E R A L L ::.
Overall
.::MOVIE INFORMATION::.
Director: Mitchell Lichtenstein
Writer(s): Mitchell Lichtenstein (written by)
Cast: Jess Weixler, John Hensley, Josh Pais, Hale Appleman


Theatrical Release Date: NA


.::DVD INFORMATION::.
Supplemental Material:
  • Writer/Director Commentary
  • Deleted Scenes
  • Behind the Scenes
  • Theatrical Trailer and TV Spot


Technical Information:
  • Number of Discs: 1
  • Widescreen (1.85)
  • English (Dolby Digital 5.1)
  • Subtitles: English, French, Spanish

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.::THE FILM::.

IMAGE

(Synopsis) Dawn is a pretty but prim high school virgin who unknowingly has a set of mutant teeth between her legs. When a supposedly likeminded boyfriend forces himself upon her, Dawn's Vagina Dentata starts chomping-which is just the beginning of "the most twisted story of female empowerment ever told".

A set of breasts. 3 limp detached Penises. Severed fingers. Incest. A Vagina with teeth. That is what the film Teeth is all about. No, I am being serious. Teeth, by writer and director Mitchell Lichtenstein is a horror film where a girl, unknown to her at first, has Vagina Dentata, a mutation that gives her Vagina, well, teeth. Again, I am being serious. This is not a joke; this is what the actual film is about. Is it a bad film? No, not really, but it certainly is not a masterpiece by any means as the acting is atrocious and the pace is extremely slow.

Let's start out with the mutation, Vagina Dentata. In the opening scene we meet Dawn (Jess Weixler) and her soon to be step brother Brad (John Hensley) as young kids playing in a swimming pool in the front yard... which just so happens to be right by (wait for it)...... a giant nuclear power plant! The film continues to show the nuclear power plant as much as possible so you can get the connection of why Dawn has a Vagina with teeth. After a young Brad shows Dawn his Penis, he decides to stick his fingers into his young step sisters Vagina. Ouch. He gets bit and that starts the infatuation with Dawn.

Fast forward an unknown amount of years and Dawn is a perfect teenager at high school where she is the spokeswoman for "The Promise", an organization where men and women alike can pledge to be a virgin until they get married. Dawn is joined by a few friends and the new cool kid Tobey (Hale Appleman) who shows an instant attraction for our young Dawn. Soon both fall for each other and question their relationship because if they get to close, they might have to, you know, have sex. They soon decide to continue their relationship because they like each other too much and decide to go for a swim at the local pond. After some kissing Tobey forces himself on Dawn and starts raping her. Shortly after we are greeted with screams and then the camera pans down to a penis-less Tobey, screaming in agony as he begins his descent into the pond. Dawn now knows something is wrong with her...her Vagina...bit off a Penis!

Without ruining much of the film, let’s just say this happens several times to several different people. The problem with the movie is for a horror film, there is not much gore besides a few guys sans Penis and some severed fingers. I was expecting much more gore since it comes with Dimensions Extreme label which is known to publish more gory films in the past. What the film does do is show us as many times as possible is a severed penis in a wacky situation. Not only is the Penis severed, but a crab is walking over it or a dog decides to have an afternoon snack. Then, of course, we have the incest. For some reason Brad really wants to have sex with his younger step sister Dawn. I can only assume its because he got his finger bit as a young child (as he is shown as an adult sucking on it for pleasure). Brad cares about no one, not his father, step mother, his girlfriend... but he loves Dawn. Maybe a little too much.

The acting in this film is so damn laughable. The only one that shows a good performance is Dawn, and the cover of the DVD makes mention she won for the "Special Dramatic Jury Prize for Acting" at Sundance. Every other person in the film simply does not appear to even want to be in the movie. Three men in this film lose their Penis. Three. You would think they would be in a bit more pain or at least run around screaming asking for help. No, instead, one guy falls in the pond, another calls his mom for help (I kid you not) and the final victim just stares and points at his penis and whimpers as his dog munches on it. As a male, if my penis got bit off, hell if I got a small razor cut on it, I would be crying and screaming for help. These guys just act like they skinned their knees.



.::SPECIAL FEATURES::.

For such a lackluster film, Dimension did pack quite a few extra features in here. Nothing that impressive, but enough to feel satisfied.

Commentary (With Writer/Director Mitchell Lichtenstein) - To be honest, I couldn't listen for more than 20 minutes as there is not much there. I skimmed through this as it was mostly empty. Here is a quote from the commentary "Here is Dawn brushing one side of teeth. (Now silence). Oh Scary. (Silence) John Hensley, love him. (Silence). John Hensley, well, brings a lot of...." Please, avoid this.

Deleted Scenes (with commentary) (~5:00) - 5 different deleted scenes that were rightfully deleted. Some last only seconds, and some a minute or two.

Behind the Scenes (28:52) - Most of the cast is back to talk about their characters while they mix scenes from the movie in. Worth a look if you liked the movie.

Also includes a Trailer (1:45) and a TV Spot (0:31).



.::AUDIO & VIDEO::.

IMAGE

Teeth is presented in anamorphic 1.85:1 Widescreen. The movie is full of grain and marks and not one scene was there not excessive amount of grain present.

Dimension has included a Dolby Digital 5.1 track as well as several different subtitle options. The DD 5.1 is not bad, but the movie is fairly dialog heavy which comes across as a bit uneven in certain scenes.



.::OVERALL::.

While the movie was not bad, it was certainly not great. It felt like a longer, tamer episode of “Masters of Horror” then an actual film. I can't see why anyone would actually want to own this film, let alone even watch. The film is definitely better than One Missed Call, but nowhere near what I would call a "future cult hit" like some people have been saying.